‘Tis the season filled with love, gratitude, warmth, and co-parenting with your ex-spouse.
This is the reality for nearly half of Americans each holiday season. Some have mastered the art of co-parenting during the holidays, and others would rather let their deep-fried turkey catch the house on fire than interact with their ex. Whatever the situation is, it is important put our feelings for the other parent aside for the sake of the kids. Save it being unsafe, having a relationship with both parents is beneficial for children.
Good News? With some planning, compassion, and flexibility, it is completely possible to create a holiday season that is memorable for everyone, and not is a cringy way. Check out our six amazing pieces of advice to help keep some perspective this season.
- Put the Child(ren) First (even when it means sacrificing what you want).
Think of this as the mantra of co-parenting during the holidays.
Remember to ask yourself: “What will make this holiday special and stable for my child(ren)?”
While this might mean compromising on time, location, or observing the occasion on a day other than the actual holiday, it can help kids adjust to the change in dynamic. When your decisions revolve around your child(ren)’s happiness and security, everyone benefits.
- Plan Early
Nothing adds fuel to the holiday stress fire faster than last-minute confusion or misinterpretation of the parenting schedule. Discuss holiday plans and expectations as early as possible, ideally before the season kicks off. Put everything into writing- Not because you don’t trust each other (even though it is likely you don’t), but because clarity prevents conflict. Things you’ll want to be included are:
- Drop off/pickup times,
- Who’s responsible for travel or gifts, and
- How you will handle unexpected or unavoidable changes (like inclement weather delays or sickness).
When everyone knows the plan (and can refer to it in text or email), you can focus on cheerful celebrations, not logistical nightmares.
- Honor old traditions. Make room for new ones.
Divorce can change the shape of the holiday, but that doesn’t mean it erases their meaning. If the kids love to bake cookies or attend a particular religious service, keep those familiar activities going, if at all possible. This provides comfort in a situation that may have otherwise brought anxiety. At the same time, don’t be afraid to create something new: breakfast pajama parties, movie marathons, crafts and board games, or even volunteering together. New traditions can help mark the start of a positive new chapter.
- Stay Flexible Because LIFE HAPPENS.
Even the best laid plans can fall apart, flights get delayed or cancelled, kids get sick, emotions flare up. When things don’t go perfectly, try to stay grounded. Model calm and resilience for your children. Remember that flexibility is a form of grace – and what they’ll remember most isn’t who had them and at what time, but how safe and supported they felt through it all.
- Don’t Compete – Connect.
It is common and tempting to overcompensate by giving the “best” gifts or throwing the most elaborate celebration, but kids don’t need two competing holidays. They need two households who prioritize kindness, consistency, and cooperation. Co-parenting peace is one of the best gifts you can give your child!
- Take Care of Yourself.
Co-parenting during the holidays can stir up a lot of emotions: loneliness, grief, sadness, and self-loathing especially the first few years after the split, the biggest thing to remember is, it’s okay to feel those things! Having someone to talk to when feeling negative or overwhelmed will help. Staying on top of a self-care routine is certain to decrease depression and anxiety. Avoid coping with excessive alcohol. The holidays can be a chance to rediscover yourself- to find joy not just in parenting, but in personal healing and growth.
Final Thoughts
The holidays after a big split will never be exactly the same – but that doesn’t mean they can’t be just as memorable and beautiful! With empathy, communication, and a child-centered approach, co-parents can transform what might feel like a season of loss into one of love, understanding, and renewal. If you truly find yourself in need of objective legal advice, request a consultation with us.